so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
