i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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