Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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