Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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