well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dignity is for republicans.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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