She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
