wrigley field is MILF paradise
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
