no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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