Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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