not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
