youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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