apparently the secret to your success is patron
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
me + whiskey = a bad person
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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