I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize