he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
