my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
