Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
