And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
