FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
