Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
