I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
