I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize