I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just found puke in my bra..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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