I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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