If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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