Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
