i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
