Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
