I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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