Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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