...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We got so high we made milksteak
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
