Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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