Im at strip club and am horny
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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