You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
