she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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