So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
