I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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