i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
