The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
