I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
