It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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