he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
