Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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