she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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