Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
