I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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