I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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