i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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