my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
