grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
