If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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