haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
