Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
