My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We named our party play list daddy issues
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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