eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
