I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
