I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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