I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
