it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How external is "for external use only"?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
