are you so shy because you have an std?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize