3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
