News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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