So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
