Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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