He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
