I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Is her dick bigger than yours?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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