Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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