Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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