I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
