NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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