It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
