I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
