I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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