I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
