You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
