I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
