8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
