I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
