why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
