i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
