Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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