guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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