Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
