You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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