well I can't set my house on fire every night
no, he came in my armpit
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
