I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i think i scared a bird with my dick
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
