I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
