Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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