how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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