come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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