"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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