you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
