It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
