eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
