So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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